And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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