I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
