Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
