The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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