some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
