Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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