Barsexuality is the new black.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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