we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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