Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
You're a disaster
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