two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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