1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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