Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
