There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
