Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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