I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
