I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
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