So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
