that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
