Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
