So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
She made me pour olive oil on her.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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