Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Pants are for mortals
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize