Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
