would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
