she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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