I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
