im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
