dude i'm inner monologue high
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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