i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
