my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
