Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
