I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
