Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
