Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
