i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
