I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
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