im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
