All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
