Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
