you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
