i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
