the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
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