i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
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