Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
she smelled like a LAN party
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
