just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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