Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
