It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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