Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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