I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I have already put on my inside pants.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
