Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
