Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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