You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
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