Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
