You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
