Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
