if i can run in heels then i can drive
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
