im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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