College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize