): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Randomize
