I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize