I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Be still, my beating vagina.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
