There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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