question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
