there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i already hear my dad disowning me
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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