He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
How external is "for external use only"?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
