6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
