Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
